YUKS
Quotes page 14
Doug Larson
Nobody's Heard of Him, But You'll Recognize Some Things He's Said:
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear
conscience.
A pun is the
lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
A true friend
is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
A weed is a
plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in
rows.
Accomplishing
the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Accomplishing
the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Establishing
goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
Few things are
more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
For
disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly
left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Home computers
are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption
of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
If all the cars
in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day
Weekend.
If people
concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of
fishing poles.
If the English
language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a
shortage of flowers.
Instead of
giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the
locks.
Life expectancy
would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
More marriages
might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the
worse.
Nostalgia is a
file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
Real elation is
when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.
Some of the
world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they
were impossible.
Sometimes
opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals
away.
Spring is when
you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
The aging
process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a
snowball.
The cat could
very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
The only nice
thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
The reason
people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other
choice.
The surprising
thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
The trouble
with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
The world is
full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
There are few
things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
There must be a
happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
To err is
human; to admit it, superhuman.
Utility is when
you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have
three - and paradise is when you have none.
Wisdom is the
quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
Wisdom is the
reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.