YUKS
Jokes Page 8
Did you hear the one about.....
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He
said,
"Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you
don't
follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch
make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him;
it will only
make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him
regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your
husband will regain
his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
She replied, "He said you're going to die."
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A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip
to the
barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's
crowded,
dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting
there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their
flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying
in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small,
the service is surly
and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other
people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours.
You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber
asked him about
his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on
time in one of TWA's brand
new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food
and wine
were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me
hand and
foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling job and now
it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
apologized and gave us
the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on
the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the
visitors, and
if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would
personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my
hand! I knelt
down and he spoke to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"
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